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hell

Tobias Henoeckl - Wed May 02 11:51:46 2001

The Truth About Hell 

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington 
chemistry midterm. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared 
it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as 
well. 
 

Bonus Question: 
 
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? 
 
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law,
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant.
 
One student, however, wrote the following: 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing with time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there are more than one of these religions, and since people do
not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls
go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the
rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that
in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
 
This gives two possibilities: 
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
   enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
   until All Hell Breaks Loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
   souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
   Freezes Over.
 
So which is it? 
 
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my
Freshman year-"...that it will be a Cold Day in Hell Before I sleep with
you."-and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true; and thus I am
sure that Hell is exothermic and will (unfortunately) not freeze.
 
THE STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A" GIVEN 


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