] >Date Index
Re: how to get off the mailing list?Wolfgang Schemmel
- Wed Sep 06 14:41:31 2000
> -----Original Message-----
> From: email@example.com [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]On Behalf Of Sam
> Carleton Can someone enlighten me as to how to remove myself
> from this mailing list?
Some mailing lists provide unsubscribe information in each
message, others in a "Welcome message" at the time you join (you
keep all those, right?), still others do nothing and expect you
to remember how you signed up and then use the <Undo> key to
correct the situation. In the event the <Undo> key is not
available, the following general information should be kept to
ensure you do not receive excess email.
This is what you need to do. Please read these instructions
carefully before beginning.
Tools needed: one hammer, one screwdriver, one pair of pliers,
one heavy-duty pair of wire cutters, one bucket of saline water,
a box of sani-wipes.
Step #1: Stop payment on any checks that you may have sent to
your Internet Service Provider (GOD).
Step #2: If GOD is unresponsive and you are still receiving mail
from this list, you will need to find the "mailhost". This is a
machine usually located in a locked office. Every day around
noon, the mailman will deliver a box of diskettes with that day's
mail messages, including yours from this list, to this machine.
Typically, only a handful of people have keys to the "mailhost".
The reason why this machine is locked up is because this is
typically the best, fastest, most powerful computer at your
facility and the people with keys don't want to share it. If you
must, break or pry the door down with one (1) hammer (you did get
all the tools needed?).
Step #3: Find the ON/OFF switch for this machine. Using the
pliers, set the switch to the OFF position by tugging downwards
until the disposable plastic switch breaks away from the computer
casing. Discard the disposable plastic switch in an
environmental-friendly manner. This will alert the mailman to not
deliver the diskettes with the messages to the "mailhost" not
unlike the little red flag found on mailboxes. This should
resolve your mail problem immediately.
Step #4: You may experience a recurrence of mail within 72 hours.
If this should happen, you will need to disable the "mailhost"
once again with more forceful measures. Repeat Step #2. Don't be
suprised if there is a sturdier door in place than the one you
destroyed previously. This is due to the fact that the "Have Key"
clique found out that someone has seen their private stash of
Step #5: After you have once again regained entry into the
"mailhost" room, open up the back of the "mailhost". There may be
a large tv-like device on top of the "mailhost" You will need to
remove this first. Take your wire cutters, and cut any cables
binding the tv-like device to the "mailhost". Set the tv-like
device to the side. With your screwdriver, remove each and every
screw that you can find on the "mailhost". Once this is done, the
"mailhost" should break away into two or more pieces.
Step #5: Find a large box with a fan attached to it. It will be
clearly marked with the following labels: "Danger" "High Voltage"
"Do not open - no user-servicable parts". Don't worry, these
labels are merely in place to satisfy OSHA requirements and you
are not in any danger at all. Take the bucket of saline water and
pour it into any vents or ports that the large box may have. Any
extra water should be poured directly into the computer chassis,
be sure to properly soak each and every component.
Step #6: In the event of fire (OSHA has been known to be right on
occassion), douse any flames with the sani-wipes.
This solution is provided without warranty. It is not
bio-degradable or fat-free. In the event of sudden death, contact
a physician immediately.
Thanks to Brian.Marriott@cs.utas.edu.au (Brian Marriott) for this
Hope this helps. Have a nice day.
OSHA: Occupational Safety & Health Administration, vergleichbar
mit den Berufsgenossenschaften in .de