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Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):

Mel Angele - Sun May 28 09:47:53 2000

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

Things I've learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq foot
house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them
with roller blades, they can ignite,

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong  enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and
a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all
four walls of a 20X20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is
on. When  using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up
a few  times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
long  way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh", it's
already  too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A
magnifying  glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
four-year-old.

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same
sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you
still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic
toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response
time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth
worms dizzy. It will however make cats dizzy and cats throw up
twice their  body weight when dizzy.







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