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ultimate guide to anti-male jokes

mandy . trambatz - Wed Oct 27 09:44:31 1999

Worauf wir schon immer gewartet haben...



What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door

When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

How do you know when a man has an orgasm?
He rolls over and starts snoring.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.

How can you tell if your husband's dead?
Sex is the same but he doesn't smell of beer anymore.

Why do men get married??
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more

What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger
in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught fire.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.

What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
Five - one to actually do the screwing, and four to
listen to him brag about it

How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.

What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in
common?
They're married.

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to
bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the
fridge.

Behind every great woman is a man telling her she's
ignoring him.

He keeps a record of everything he eats.
It's called a tie.

What's the quickest way to lose 180 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce your husband.

What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is
every night?
A widow.

What are the words women hate to hear when they are
enjoying great sex?
"Honey! I'm home!"

Why do blonde women have bruises around their navels?
Blonde men aren't that clever either.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
He wouldn't ask for directions


































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