Redneck Medical Dictionary

Redneck Medical Dictionary

Artery ............................ The study of paintings.
Bacteria .......................... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium ............................ What to do when patients die.
Benign ............................ What you be after you be eight.
Catscan ........................... Hunting for Kitty.
Cauterize ......................... Made eye contact with her.
Cesarean Section .................. A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic ............................. A sheep dog.
Coma .............................. A punctuation mark.
D&C ............................... Where Washington is.
Dilate ............................ To live long.
Enema ............................. Not a friend.
Fester ............................ Quicker than the other guy.
Fibula ............................ A small lie.
Genital ........................... Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series ....................... World series of military baseball.
Hangnail .......................... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent .......................... Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain ........................ Getting hurt at work.
Lower G.I. ........................ Privates and Corporals.
Medical Staff ..................... A Doctor's cane.
Morbid ............................ A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates .......................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node .............................. Not a doubt.
Outpatient ........................ A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear ......................... A fatherhood test.
Pelvis ............................ Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative .................... A letter carrier.
Recovery Room ..................... Place to do upholstery.
Rectum ............................ Damn near killed him.
Secretion.......................... Hiding something.
Seizure............................ Roman emperor.
Tablet............................. A small table.
Terminal Illness................... Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.............................. One more than one.
Urine ............................. Opposite of you're out.
Upper G.I. ........................ Colonels and Generals.
Varicose .......................... Near by/close by.

-- 
Hans Maurer                                                hans@red.roses.de

    "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and benchmarks."