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You know you work in Corporate America ifMarkus Wennrich
- Thu Feb 18 13:26:35 1999
You know you work in Corporate America if:
* You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different
* Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
* Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
* The company logo on your badge is drawn on a post-it note.
* When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
* You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
* You learn about your layoff on CNN.
* Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
* Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
* You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
* Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the
Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
* You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
* It's dark when you drive to and from work.
* Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
* "Communication" is something your group is having problems with.
* You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
* Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
* Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
* Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
* Art involves a white board.
* You're already late on the assignment you just got.
* When 100% of your time means 20 hours.
* You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow,
* Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
* Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes", "in your
spare time", "when you're freed up", and "I have an opportunity for you."
* Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get
* Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
* Change is the norm.
* Nepotism is encouraged.
* The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are
hanging in your cube.
* You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
* You read this entire list and understood it.
"Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then
suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun."
* Matt Groening, Life in Hell
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