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USAF maintenance funnies.

Markus Wennrich - Wed Feb 10 13:09:30 1999

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US AirForce 
pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem 
listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before 
the next flight.  


(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement  
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire  

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough,
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid,
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal 

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

nick@roses.de                   http://www.roses.de/~nick/

Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.