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... watching the bubbles in my beer ...

Markus Wennrich - Tue Jan 19 13:11:34 1999

TOKYO-What do an unemployed stockbroker, a karaoke bar and a beer company 
have in common? They are all involved in lawsuits over a beer that fizzles 
from hydrogen.  

The Asaka Beer corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, where the carbon 
dioxide normally has been replaced by the hydrogen gas which provides a 
fun side effect of increasing the voice and thus has made the beer 
extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars. Hydrogen, like helium, is a 
gas lighter than air. Exploiting this quirk of physics, men can now sing 
soprano parts on karaoke sing-along machines after consuming a big gulp of 
Suiso beer. The flammable nature of hydrogen has also become popular as 
singer ignite flames from their mouth using a cigarette. Mr. Otoma, a now 
out-of-work stockbroker is suing the Tike-Take Karaoke bar and the Asaka 
brewery for selling toxic substances  and is claiming damages for grievous 
bodily harm leading to the loss of his job. The bar is countersuing for 
defamation and loss of customers.  

"Mr. Otoma has no-one to blame but himself.  If he had not become drunk 
and disorderly, none of this would have happened.  Our security guards 
undergo the most careful screening and training before they are allowed to 
deal with customers," said the manager of the Tike-Take bar.  It seems Mr. 
Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer so he could maximize the size 
of the flames he could belch during a singing contest.  He catapulted 
balls of fire across the room but was unable to win first prize since the 
judgement is made on the quality of the flames and that of the singing. He 
apparently was singing badly out of tune after fifteen bottles of the 
bubbly beer. Taking offense at his loss he belched blue fireballs at the 
judge which burned off her eyebrows, lashes and ruined her clothes not to 
mention her hairdo.  

Mr. Otoma was unapproachable by security guards as he was quite literally 
a fire-breathing dragon. A swift guard swept his feet out from under him. 
The manager continues,  "The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed, and 
the force that propelled Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also pivoted around 
his center of gravity and moved his upper body forward with equal 
velocity.  It was his own fault he had his mouth open for the next belch, 
his own fault he held a lighted cigarette in front of it and it is own 
fault he swallowed that cigarette."  The Tike-Take bar assumes no 
responsibility for the subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his 
stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his esophagus, larynx and 
sinuses as the exploding gases forced their way out of his body.  His 
consequential muteness and loss of employment are, according to the 
manager, "his own fault."  


-- 
nick@roses.de                   http://www.roses.de/~nick/

If you see profit on a journey, take it. (Ferengi ROA 40)


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