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Tips for employers and bosses

Markus Wennrich - Wed Nov 18 14:57:08 1998

(1) Never give me work in the morning.  Always wait until 4.00 p.m. and
then bring it to me.  I find the challenge of a deadline refreshing.

(2) If it's really a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes
to inquire how it's going.  That helps.  Or even better, hover behind me,
advising me at every keystroke.

(3) Always leave without telling anyone where you're going.  It gives me
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

(4) If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies don't open
thedoor for me.  I need to learn to function as a paraplegic and opening
doors with no arms is good training.

(5) If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the
priority one.  I am psychic.

(6) Do your best to keep me late.  I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do.  I have no life beyond work.

(7) If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.  If word gets out, it
could mean a promotion.

(8) If you don't like my work, tell everyone.  I like my name to be
popular in conversations.  I was born to be whipped.

(9) If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down.
In fact, save them until the job is almost done.  There is no reason to
confuse me with useful information.

(10) Never introduce me to the people you're with.  I have no right to
know anything.  In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.  When you
refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

(11) Tell me all your little problems.  No one else has any and it's nice
to know someone is less fortunate.  I especially like the story about
having to pay so much taxes on your brand new company car.

(12) Wait until my yearly review and then tell me what my goals should
have been.  Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living
increase.I'm not here for the money anyway.

nick@roses.de                   http://www.roses.de/~nick/

AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous