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Signs

Markus Wennrich - Wed Nov 18 08:47:43 1998


                                     Signs
                                          
   Sign in a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL
   YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
   
   Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
   
   In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
   PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
   
   In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND
   UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
   
   On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS
   DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE
   DOOR.)
   
   Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING
   MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL
   BARGAIN?
   
   Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of
   Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED
   AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
   
   Outside a photographer's studio: OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE,
   OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
   
   Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING
   FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
   
   Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE
   WELCOME
   
   Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT
   WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
   
   Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING
   PROBLEMS WITH LITTER, LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH
   RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN
   ORDER
   
   Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE
   FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
   
   Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL
   PUMPS.YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
   
   Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
   
   Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
   
   Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW
   IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
   
   Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR
   FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
   
   Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU
   HOW TO GET LESSONS
   
   Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD
   ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
   
   Sign at Norfolk farm gate: BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND
   THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT

-- 
nick@roses.de                   http://www.roses.de/~nick/

24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?


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