Guter Schneider (fwd)

SOME PERSPECTIVE ON US POLITICS...

Whitehouse press spokeswoman Joan Braithwaite has delivered the 
following statement to media regarding accusation involving impropriety 
between President Clinton and Miss Lewinsky:

The President absolutely did not engage in any sexual conduct with Miss 
Lewinsky and will vigorously defend himself against such claims. 
However the President would like to state that it is possible that a 
perfectly innocent incident has been twisted by right wing Republicans 
in order to undermine his administration.

Mr. Clinton has said that there was an occasion when it was necessary 
for him to adjust his clothing he noticed with some embarrassment that 
his fly was undone.  The President said that he unfortunately had some 
difficulty with his clothing as his zipper got stuck.

Because Mr. Clinton has slight arthritis in his hands he found he could 
not get the zipper up. He therefore, for medical reasons, was forced to 
enlist the assistance of one of his staffers, who was Miss Lewinsky. In 
the course of assisting Mr. Clinton, Miss Lewinsky had to kneel in 
front of him to facilitate the operation of the zipper.

For medical reasons Mr. Clinton has been advised to wear no 
undergarments and it so happened, that in their anxiety to end the 
embarrassment and rectify the fly problem, that Mr. Clinton's penis may 
have fallen out of his trousers. As Miss Lewinsky was grappling with 
his fly and felt sure that she nearly had it, and did not want Mr. 
Clinton to be seen with his penis hanging out, she took the 
presidential penis into her mouth so that it would not be visible 
should anyone enter the room.

Mr. Clinton was unable to use his own hands for this purpose as he was 
assisting Miss Lewinsky by holding her hair out of her face so she 
could properly visualize his fly. It took some minutes for Miss 
Lewinsky to fix Mr. Clinton's fly, and it was during this time that 
another staff member entered the room and apparently completely 
misconstrued the situation.

Mr. Clinton would like to reiterate that there was nothing unusual 
about his working relationship with Miss Lewinsky. He did say however 
that as he had trouble with his fly on a number of occasions, 
necessitating Miss Lewinsky's repeated assistance, he was considering 
changing his tailor.