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Christmas Turkey

Markus Wennrich - Mon May 04 10:26:28 1998

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for
nearly forty years.  The only friction in their marriage was caused by
the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.

The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her
eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.  Nearly every
morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. 
He told her that the couldn't help it.  She begged him to see a doctor
to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. 
He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he
would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her
hands.  She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he
didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out".

The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until
one Christmas morning.  Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to
prepare the family feast.  She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed
potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey.  While she was taking out the
turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might
solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she
placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours
before her flatulent husband would awake.

While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then
gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts.  She then placed all
of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up,
replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing
the family meal.

Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud
ass trumpeting.  This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs

The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as
she rolled on the floor laughing.  After years of putting up with him
she had finally gotten even.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood
stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip
to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter.  He said,
"honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't
listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.  "Well you always told me that I
would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it
finally happened.

But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all
back in."