] >Date Index
- Thu Apr 02 18:08:26 1998
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the
admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had
to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at
noon the following day. So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the
gates of Heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly asked the
man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died."
"No problem.", said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife
was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her
lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was
going to come home too and catch them.
Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy.
My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was about to give up, I happened to
glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the
edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy to think he could hide from me!
Well, I ran out there and promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell to the
ground. But, wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall,
and he didn't die. In a rage I went back inside to get the first thing I could get
my hands on to throw at him. And oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was
the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and heaved it over
the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the
moment was so great
that right after that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The angel sat back and thought for a moment. Technically, the guy DID have a
bad day, and it WAS a crime of passion, so he announced, "Ok, sir. Welcome
to the Kingdom of Heaven.", and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. "Ok. Here's the rule. Before I can
let you in, I need to hear about the day you died."
"Sure thing.", the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I was out on
the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises when I got a
little carried away and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily however, I was
able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony directly beneath mine.
When all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment and
starts ussing and stomping on my fingers! Well of course I fall. I hit some trees
and bushes on the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As
I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating
pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the ledge and it falls
directly on top of me and kills me!"
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could
get used to this new policy.", he thinks to himself.
"Very well.", the angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven.", and
he lets the man enter.
A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate. "Tell me about
the day you died.", said the angel.
"Ok. Picture this.", says the man. "I'm naked inside a refrigerator...."
[A transporter accident has just occurred.] Transporter chief: Enterprise, what
we got back didn't live very long... fortunately.